SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
