the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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