bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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