haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
