He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
