The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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