dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She told me I should be a condom model.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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