that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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