Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
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Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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