yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
