i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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