bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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