I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
