well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
