Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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