and you said cock pushups were impossible
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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