Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
