your room smells of hookers.
And success
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
