I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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