I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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