How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
