ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
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Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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