these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
