Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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