My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
