i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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