ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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