grandma shit on top of the toilet
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize