is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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