Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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