dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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