dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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