one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
