what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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