chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
