Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
