wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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