He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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