my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
