remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
