Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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