there's paper in my vomit.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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