I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
