i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
