my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
