i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
