Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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