I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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