she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
