last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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