Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
