biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How naked do you want me to be?
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