I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
