So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
