He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
