you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
