Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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