If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
