i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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