unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
