I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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