wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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