Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
