guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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