i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
