i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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