She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
