I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
