so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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