Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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