we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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