I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
