Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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