I feel great
I just peed on a car
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
