Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i dont even know how to be here
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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