I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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