So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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