I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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