Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
