I think I died a long time ago.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
