I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
